It was early 2018. My good friend Rashmi Balakrishna, who was helping me with business development, ushered me into the office of Enquero, a mid-size software company in Koramangala. It was Women’s Day and Rashmi had used her good offices at the company to arrange a talk with the women at Enquero.

What on earth could I talk about?, I wondered nervously as we made our way into the swank office. Here I was, having founded a content/design agency in sheer frustration because I couldn’t find a job that gave me professional satisfaction as well as flexibility. I dropped out of the formal workforce in mid-2005 to focus on my young children. Then spent a decade in the professional ‘wilderness’, freelancing for a content company in Bangalore and picking up consulting gigs with tech startups in Hyderabad. Who would find me interesting?

My anxiety peaked when I entered the conference room. There they were—the women of Enquero. Suave, talented engineers, finance professionals and HR folks. Well dressed in western attire, as Bangalore professionals tend to be. Very much in contrast to my oiled hair and salwar kameez. Yes, I’d lived and worked abroad for a decade before being a freelancer. But that only dated my salwar kameez all the more.

The Head of HR introduced Rashmi and me to the eager audience. Rashmi primed them by talking about my professional background. A techie-turned-entrepreneur, she said. I gulped nervously.

When it was my turn to speak, my voice quivered. The HR Head looked on, half in alarm. Her Women’s Day celebration was off to a shaky start! I started by speaking of my corporate experiences in the West and then jumped into my career break. As I spoke about my boys, my voice gathered confidence. After all, no one could talk about my decade with them like I could—every glorious moment of it. I also spoke of my growing frustration interviewing with Indian software companies of all hues who paid lip service to flexibility. And my decision to start Clearly Blue.

Well, here we are. I arrived at the present in my story. A small agency working with tech companies, thriving on offering flexibility to restarters, completely hybrid and doing some kick-ass work. Surprisingly, my audience loved it. In the Q&A that ensued, they peppered me with questions on balancing work and home, on managing toddler tantrums and remote clients. It turns out that they all had similar stories. Some of them even nurtured entrepreneurial ambitions. It was commendable that they spoke openly about their ambition with their HR Head present. We spent a lovely couple of hours together. The HR Head heaved an audible sigh of relief at the happy turn of events. They thanked me with a jade plant in a yellow ceramic pot.

My takeaways from this encounter?

• Imposter syndrome is real. I continue to get flustered when I receive compliments about my ‘achievements’. If I saw this kind of behaviour in any of my team members or friends, I would openly berate them. Go figure!
• Fear of public speaking can cripple. I know it well. I’ve been there more than once. Many a time when I have to speak, I flashback to a high school stage where I picked a dumb charades chit to enact meeting a ‘hot guy in a lift’. I blathered nonsense in front of a crowd of hooting teenagers, my very conservative teachers and my principal. That girl still lives in me, alive and well. 
• You can overcome your fears if you try. I try, every day. I prepare. I actively seek out speaking opportunities where I can represent my team and our work. I pitch—quite well—for work with prospects regularly. I now teach Presentation Skills to new entrepreneurs and professionals. 

I made a concerted effort to learn what it takes to speak well in public. And, to speak of our achievements. No, the internet’s “imagining your audience naked” advice does not work. Neither does winging it. It takes preparation. It takes knowing your material in depth. It takes arriving early, being attired appropriately, owning your space and, most importantly, building a rapport with your audience.

Self-doubt and lack of confidence can be crippling in any endeavour. Public speaking is one of the most common and visible of them. In any creative endeavour, sporting effort, entrepreneurship, or among students, the game is first won in the mind. Then the actual effort towards victory begins.

How does one gain confidence? 

In his book Think Again, psychologist Adam Grant speaks of (among many other things) the “Confidence Sweet Spot”—a graph of “Belief in Yourself” vs “Belief in Your Tools”. To move from the uncertain-and-insecure quadrant, where you suffer from debilitating doubt, Adam advocates learning ‘confident humility’. The confidence stems from a belief in yourself, and in constantly learning about the project you’re tackling. The humility arises from being grounded—from retaining the ability to question your tools, and your current information. Together, it results in confident humility. As Grant puts it, “…having faith in our capability while appreciating that we may not have the right solution or even be addressing the right problem.” This, he says, gives enough doubt to take a second look at our current knowledge, while still giving us enough confidence to pursue new insights.

Hit your confidence sweet spot. Give yourself permission to overcome your own imposter syndrome. Calm the butterflies in your stomach. Make them fly in formation. Along with them, you can soar, and get it done!